Life can entirely consume you with its craziness. You are completely separate from the world in a get through the day, and repeat mode. You’re alive but not really living. I just want to live.
I’m consumed in school. Exams are approaching. Fast. I can’t really say I’m coping very well either. I hold myself to standards which, in reality, aren’t achievable. I beat myself up and get myself worked up over these horribly high standards and I can’t stop. I’m sure you can tell that I don’t enjoy it. It never matters how well I’ve done, I could have done better. For anybody else, 90/100 is so amazing. For me, I can only focus on the 10 marks that I didn’t get.
Now I know very well that nobody is perfect. In fact, I believe there is no such thing. Though there seems to be this part of me that needs perfect. I need perfection. Without perfection I’m not happy. Now before you go assuming I don’t have any sort of medical diagnosis for this. It’s just my crazy mind.
I don’t know how other people feel about this. From the outside all my friends and classmates seem to be extremely happy when they mark well. Maybe, on the inside, they’re the same. Are you?
~ Perfectly Imperfect
Love, Carly X