I miss me.

Oh, Beautiful Blog, How I’ve missed you.

I have been so busy recently it’s difficult to comprehend. Exam season is upon us. I’m at the stage where it’s 4 down, 2 to go.

I am mentally exhausted. I worked so hard on my prelims, I don’t have the energy left. Though I will work through it. My favourite revision technique of late is “Course in a day.” This is, however, very irresponsible and to all you students out there, I would not recommend.

I miss me. I miss loving school. It’s been too long since learning brought me joy. I miss my friends, I miss having time. I just miss everything that I was, that I represented.

I am not the same person I was this time last year. This type of change is a funny thing, you don’t really notice it day to day, but if you look back, everything is different. There are big changes like moving house or school or changing jobs or getting a pet or…you catch my drift. These big changes, are those that you notice straight away. The little ones? Not so much. For the last year, there have been a lot of little changes, and now my life is different. I can’t help but miss how it was and who I was before.

I’m not scared of change. Not at all. After all, I’ve worked myself to the ground learning to embrace change. For I want to evolve. If I were to be the same person I was yesterday, life today would be boring. If I lived the exact same day over and over, I would make different choices. I would do things differently and with that, we see the benefit of hindsight but also the evolution of who we are as human. You’ll do some things, in the same way, those are your morals or traditions or the little things that you always do until you don’t anymore. Such is the beautiful thing that is life.

Truly, I am young and far from wise. I don’t really know but I do know that every day I will grow a little more. Sometimes I’ll make the right choices and other times the wrong ones. I will mess up and I won’t always be sorry. I will change and I will look back in 5 years time at a different person. It will be then that I miss “me.” I will always be me. I’ll just miss the old me. That will be okay.

~I’ll miss me, but I’ll love me too.

Love, Carly X




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