Well, It’s been a while…again. However, this time I bring good news. MY EXAMS ARE OVER! *Celebratory Dance* I’m a very happy girl.
Today, I started my new classes and there, the cycle starts all over again. Except, this time, it’s harder. Though this is the case, life also becomes easier as teachers create more time for you and you become priority over students at lower levels. This, my loves, is the one and only benefit to the next year of my life.
I’m growing up fast, and I’ve only realised this in the last couple of weeks. I have blinked and time has gone by and soon I’ll be a grown-up. All my life, all I wanted was to grow up. To be older. I couldn’t wait to be a “big girl.” Now when the time is fast approaching, there is nothing I want less. It’s not that I feel I can’t handle adult life as I am and will be perfectly capable. It’s more the idea of being on my own. (Note I don’t mean being alone. Rather on my own, doing everything on my own)
My school expects me to be mature enough to approach teachers for guidance and advice, except I still get nervous talking to someone I don’t know so well on the phone. My school expects me to be able to self-teach, except I struggle even when I’m being taught. My school expects many things of me. Except I’m not grown up.
I have lived an exceptionally sheltered life. I’m from a small town, where everyone knows everyone. I go to school, I have a part-time job, siblings and two parents who work full-time. For the longest time, I was a picture-perfect student. I listen when the teacher is talking, I hang on to their every word. I follow instructions so very carefully and there is nothing I love more than my teacher’s praise. Except. I loved it. And then I didn’t anymore. I was the perfect straight A student and I was thrilled to learn, and then all of a sudden, I wasn’t anymore. I still get A’s, I work damn hard for them. Except, it isn’t straight A’s anymore. I look back and I know I stopped getting my A’s when I stopped loving to learn.
Results day will come and I will soon see if loving learning made any difference to me. I hope it didn’t but I fear that it did. My approach this year will be different, for it isn’t worth the pain, the stress or the tears. I am worth so much more than the lifestyle that exams force you to live. (This applies to school, work, college, university, life in general. When it hurts, know that you are worth SO MUCH MORE)
There is always a but, however, or except.
Except I expect. (This is my biggest downfall in life)
I think my expectations are the very reason why growing up scares me. This blog post is a little all over the place, I hope you understand. If not, feel free to comment, I’ll try and clear it up.
~Except I Expect.
Love, Carly X